You were a maddening mystery that I would have dotingly been on my knees to decipher. Oh honey, would it daze you to know that your unrivaled elation and gallantry, conjured faultlessly by the best of swindlers, barred me from itself? It seemed to me that the facade you devised to hoodwink naive eyes, were never meant to deceive mine.
Because I could see your fretful soul that had fleetingly lost its shine like it was never taught the art of reflecting what was real. The garb of your eyes, that was once as unflawed as divinity itself, had given way to tatters like that of a drifter’s. Your lips that could kiss me between life and death were now parted solely to heave a sigh of unmatched gloom that hung in hollow air, weighing itself in profusion to all the deceit. How that your ears, as shapely as the curves of a woman, were deaf to anything but sad tales that jogged your memory to wretchedness and dared to choke you to your own blood!
I could see past all that with the ease and watchfulness, the sham never meaning to be judged against another of a kind. Yet, I chose to be with you. Even when you were far and wide from anything that I could call mine. I rummaged around for my answers just like a little girl looking out through a veneer out of sheer gaiety. I wrote soulful poetries trying to wring my heart into something which would no longer keep me at bay; which would give me enough strength to sail past all your “maybes” and ‘what ifs’.
Oh you, the creator of my distress, I’ll break it down for you. Break it down with such an authority that your spirit trembles into the power of certainty that you seemed to evade. But you’ve no escape now. I’ve draped that absent light around my neck. Wearing it as a badge of strength I’ve salvaged through my shortcomings.
I never perceived your voice. I felt your soul.
I never took a glimpse of your eyes. I only saw the promises it gave.
I didn’t hear your warnings. I fancied only the seeming words of love that would come out from it.
Oh darling, for all I knew, you were complicated in your simplicity
I was naïve and didn’t understand the game many played, unversed and unknown in their tricky ways. I deliberated that I had delved into your shadows years ago, and nursed back to health the deep-rooted wounds of the truths that ripped our hearts out in the open. Oh darling! My need for you to believe some semblance of what I felt for you, gave me the force I sought after.
I know I have to heal my broken bones to forge into your shadows when you are arms to catch me when I am falling. And in that moment, I will know that I would never have to feel the pain of them break again. I would hear the wordless strumming in my soul like a beacon in the distance, and I would quietly wonder where it is leading me. What time this love was meant for, I mutely am in awe, staring off into the darkness. How can something so true beating in our spirits be so lost on us?
Oh baby, upon my skin a blanket of stars are scattered to be traced by knowing fingers. I know for certain that one day, any day at all, you would have the heart to reach for those skies. Your mystery can never remain silent, this I know. It will come out, refusing to be swallowed. And in that moment you would smell of home and your skin would feel as familiar as my own. I don’t need a mask of perfection, only your authenticity with truth etched upon your brow and the glow of real love shining in your eyes. I don’t want some unrealistic ideal, only the beating of your heart against mine and a smile etched on our lips. That’s all I will ever have and that’s all I will ever need.
Maybe someday, it will end with just you and me. Just maybe.